Me: Then, let’s just start with asking, so, why did you come to St. Cloud, or you're in the twin cities now, but were you originally at St. Cloud State?
Amina: yeah, yeah, I graduated from St. Cloud, actually St. Cloud was not the first place, my first semester was in Alabama, the tuition was really expensive there, and I was thinking about some alternative, I was just looking around you know, not just cheap but quality education, I don't want to compromise, you know. So just talking to a couple of my cousins and friends like hey you know, because there are so many universities in The United States and you just don't know where to go, and they kind of convinced me that why don't you go to universities in Minnesota, they have a lot of good universities and their tuition is pretty reasonable. So I applied to like a lot of other universities you know, not just St. Cloud, but when I had to make the decision of where I am going now, I said okay, let’s go to St. Cloud. I didn't know anything about this state, I didn't know anyone here, I didn't know what I was thinking.
Me: That must of been scary.
Amina: No, that was not scary that time, but when I think about it now, I think, what the heck was I thinking back then, I just packed my bag and came to St. Cloud and I didn't know anybody there.
Me: You seem to be doing fine now.
Amina: Yeah, now I'm here, but if I had to make the same decision now, I wouldn't just jump, you know, I would get all prepared and I think that comes with age.
Me: Are you in graduate school now?
Amina: I finished graduate school actually, I'm working on my thesis right now, um, I graduated last semester I'm done with all of my classes but right now I'm just working on my thesis
Me: So, are you trying to become a doctor?
Amina: Oh no, just graduate, a masters, I'm not into doctors, that is too much you know.
Me: Depends what you want to do.
Amina: Yeah, that would be like, no, I'm done with school.
Me: If you don't mind I'd like to start with some of the first questions.
Amina: Yeah, sure.
Me: One of the first things we like to talk about is how family is in your culture, like what is the value of family, and how important are they to you?
Amina: Oh yeah, in Nepal, the Asian countries, family values are very important, we always eat together as a whole family, uhm, when I was growing up we used to have more of an extended family, you have a big house with you dad, mom, uncle, cousins.
Me: A lot of people.
Amina: Yes a lot of people, and it is a lot of fun, and now it has been changing, you know now it's most like a nuclear family with your dad mom and you and your siblings, not like the extended families you know, 30 40 years ago it used to be more extended family, now it is more of a nuclear family, but still the family values are very high. For parents, the day your kid is born now, they think about their future, they try to save money, you know for college education.
Me: That sounds like a very good thing.
Amina: Yeah, that is a very good thing, we are blessed by that, you know, yeah they have money they can buy a fancy pair of shoes and all those things, but they think probably I should save this money for college because my kids have to go to school. They help us out, so really we don't have to worry about paying our tuition and that kind of stuff because our parents take care of that. But once they are done with school and once you start taking money, you take care of both parents, you know, so they don't have to worry about old age, like their retirement and they don't have to worry too much about it. That is like a general family value. And we always stick together; you know birthday, main ceremony, and this and that. And here it's a little bit different.
Me: Yeah, it really varies by the person and family here, I think. It really depends, like rural families tend to stay together more.
Amina: Yeah, it’s a helping hand you know, I mean, you are in trouble and your family is there to help you, and you are there to help them.
Me: So it's a nice thing?
Amina: Yeah I think, yeah, definitely, because when I see college students here having college loans even after graduating, and they have to pay back every month for so many years, it was sad for me to see that.
Me: That’s probably one of the biggest problems students and young people have in our country.
Amina: Yeah, and to be honest, I didn't know that when I came here, and then later when I started learning about country culture and this and that and I was like what, 30000 dollars? Oh my god I never have had that much money in my life, you know what I am saying, I don't know how people handle that. Everyone seems fine, like you have a fancy car, this and that, but every time by the end of the month you are broke, that is a little bit kind of sad part, the loan.
Me: Well, when they talk about western culture, they usually say we're more consumers, so really a lot of people like to buy stuff.
Amina: Like it helps to grow the economy too, you know since you are more in saving then you're not cautious that much.
Me: It's good and bad in different ways, you know, more people can make things, but all that stuff has to come from somewhere.
Amina: And I think we waste a lot of stuff here too, like taking for granted. So yeah, that's the value thing about family back home.
Me: To continue on that a little, you were talking about how the family structure was changing a little, do you have any insight into why that might be happening now?
Amina: Definitely I think we are slowly taking, I'm not talking about the rural areas, but the city where I grew up, I think we are now getting more into, like because of globalization and everything, we're slightly going to the western world kind of thing, so, you know, people have different personalities, interests, this and that, so you know, when you kids and like a big family, there can be issues of your kid is fighting with my kid. Like this kind of stuff, so I think that is the reason why we are slowly adopting to the western culture in a way, so I think that’s the reason why families are now a smaller size like not a big with uncles, aunts and cousins and all that.
Me: Do you feel like that works better, or do you like it when you have a large family together?
Amina: I grew up in an extended family but then I was 8, and we had the big house that we sold, and we took the money that we made from that house and we moved into our own house, you know, so I think it's good up to certain times to have a big family, but after a certain time I think it's better to have your own family like your dad your mom and your sister.
Me: That makes sense. Do you want to talk more about what is the traditional family structure like, like who is in charge of the household, or what kind of values most households share, who should be doing certain things and that kind of stuff.
Amina: It's a pretty traditional, you know, man is the breadwinner, he goes out and makes money, woman is like nurturing and taking care of the house and family, and making sure that food is ready.
Me: Still very important.
Amina: Yeah, but since the last 10 years, women have started to work more too, my mom’s generation women used to work too but not that much, but now it's like both men and women work in the cities, but still like the same thing like, when it comes to decisions about the house, sometimes dad makes a decision, and sometimes mom makes a decision.
Me: So now it's a little more free in terms of who can decide things?
Amina: Not necessarily, in the past there are the roles, like dad makes decisions about finances and moms will make decisions about kids like what kind of school they go to and what kind discipline they will have you know. In some families moms are more strict and they want to hold the rules, and they say you are spoiling your kids you know, and then their husband and some family are like the other way around, where mom are pretty lean and dad are pretty strict, like you know you have to be home by this time, this and that.
Me: So it really depends on the family for the most part?
Amina: Yeah, that’s what it seems with my friends family, and my relative, I think it mostly depends on the nature of the people, and their personality, but in terms of bread winning, yeah the guys are the ones who go out and make money?
Me: And it's still changing now?
Amina: Yeah.
Me: That's kind of interesting, because when I talk to people, like I can talk to you, then that they say that traditionally men do a lot more of this stuff, but they don't always talk a lot about what's changing right now, and the kinds of thing you would know that are important to learn, and I find that interesting.
Amina: And slowly it has been happening, it's not been a long time, it's just been 10 years, it just has changed, like wow, like it just changed like it was yesterday, and it has been changed so much within this 10 years, you know, women going out and working more, because it's very expensive now, from an economic point of view, the salary of men is not enough, so then women are like, okay I should go out and work and bring some money to the family.
Me: Something similar like that happened to our country but it was a little farther back, now it's pretty normal, there's still some things that aren't really equal, but it's in progress I guess.
Amina: Even here like, even if I look at the family, men are still considered the breadwinner, and women are you know, taking care, you know.
Me: It's kind of ingrained in the culture really strongly but like, women can be now, and you can't say it's not okay for them to do that, it's less common still. Then let’s move on more to the foundations of you culture, and one of the interesting things to ask is how would you compare you culture in Nepal to the U.S., some of the major differences.
Amina: Okay yeah, that's a good question. Let me think. There are a lot of differences, for instance, people here, if you don't have money, this is an important difference, if you don't have money, people aren't shy, hey I don't have money I'm broke. Back home, it's kind of a shame, oh you don't have money? You know that is one of the difference, people are more open and broad minded, than okay if you don't have money and if you can afford it, it's fine you know, but back home it's more like class, you have to have a nice house, nice car, nice gold jewelry and that type of stuff to maintain your status in the society. And definitely here people are more independent, you know men, women both, they are doing their own thing, and back home, people are independent but still most families uhm, are different.
Me: So, you're saying we're more open about our status, like if we don't have money here?
Amina: Not even just that, like even overall, people will share their opinion like, because of the constitution I guess, first amendment you know.
Me: Free Speech?
Amina: Yeah, like, if I don't like it I will tell you, not just in one particular area but overall. And when I see the program like who's the father, and I was like what kind of program is this.
Me: Well, sometimes TV can be a lot worse than some things are.
Amina: But what happens is that when it's on TV, people think America is like Hollywood.
Me: Because it's the only thing they see?
Amina: Yeah, and people thinks that’s okay, the entire united states is like New York, where people are running, and even I had that misconception, but when I came here, I realized hats not always true, like they portray a complicated thing and the united states you know, by movies and these big cities, and that is not necessarily true.
Me: When you get off the screen and you look at teach state, they are all so different in all these different ways.
Amina: The first day when I came to state, right, in Alabama, I stayed at the motel because we had to find that apartment thing, so our school put us in a motel; it was august, really hot.
Me: Did they have air conditioning?
Amina: Yeah, yeah, it was a good motel, and I was up in the morning, and I just walked outside from my bedroom, and I was like, I don't see anyone, and it was muggy, sticky, humid, because it was Alabama, and I was like, where all the people? I don't see anyone in the street, you know. Everybody almost drives you know.
Me: How early was it?
Amina: About 9, 9:30, you know?
Me: Where there people driving around still or?
Amina: A lot of people would drive, they don't walk.
Me: Yeah, everyone here like has their own car.
Amina: That is like, because, back home, we have so good public transportation and you see people everywhere you know, you see like New York. The thing is, I landed in Montgomery at night you know, so you school came and picked us up, and I didn't see anything because it was the night time, and next morning when I was up I was looking outside, and I thought I don't see any single person, it was just like haunted. I was expecting like New York that people are walking and this and that; it was not the same. And it was so muggy and sticky and humid.
Me: Yeah, there’s all kinds of weather depending on where you are.
Amina: But I was not used to that kind of weather because I was from Katmandu and we have really good weather and winter’s not that cold.
Me: Is that one of the lower or higher areas?
Amina: It's in a valley, so it's lower or somewhere in between, because the northern part is colder, the southern is warm, but I'm from a valley so I'm really bad on the direction and all this northeast southwest.
Me: I've never actually been there, but I know like they have huge mountains over here, and down here you have these huge valleys all over the place.
Amina: Yeah, so, I never experienced that kind of extreme weather, you know, I thought it would be hot, it was hot, but I didn't know it could get that hot.
Me: Yeah, when it's humid it's really unpleasant.
Amina: Yeah, even in Minnesota sometimes when we hit 90 it's like Oh my God. So the other difference, I can say cultural difference uhm, holidays are the same, families get together, play cards, play games, you know, make food. So when it comes to that I don't see what’s different at all. People are more independent as I said, and, they don't care about someone else's business, whatever that person is doing.
Me: They don't want to get into others people, kind of, you're doing what you're doing, I'm not gonna bug you.
Amina: Yeah, kind of nosy, try to be nosy, if you're my friend that's okay, but if you're my friends friend you don't have to be that nosy I guess. But that is a difference and uh, just thinking.
Me: Okay, sometimes it's hard to think.
Amina: Yeah, I've been here for too long, so I kind of like have to refresh my memory.
Me: Yeah, like even when you know all the stuff it's sometimes hard to come up with it and say it.
Amina: Yeah. Another thing that is very interesting that I notice is, when you eat food, right, usually here you you’re in family, and you have your fork and your plate, and you use your fork to take everything. I don't know that's what I have noticed with my family.
Me: Yeah, they use forks for most things because it is polite dining.
Amina: No, no, what I'm saying is back home you have your food right.
Me: Yeah.
Amina: You don't use your used fork to grab the stuff, you have your separate fork always there then people after you eat all the same food. We don't kind of like do that, but you know a separate spoon or something to grab that.
Me: Our family usually doesn't use our own silverware to touch each other’s food like that, it really depends I think, if they don't care they'll just do it, but, if you ever have guests you shouldn't do something like that.
Amina: Okay, In our family, because I am married to an American guy, so I have two in my family, everybody use the fork, I'm used to it okay, but that is not something we do back home. But it's a family thing.
Me: I think it really depends on each family, some say I don't want other people touching it with their forks; some will say I don't care.
Amina: Yeah, I was like that even when I was a kid, like in our house, so uhm, my friends they used to share food, but I used to feel it's really gross, even with family I never shared those kind of things.
Me: I don't really like sharing food with my Mom.
Amina: No, but, people don't really don't care that much, but it depends on the family, but the family I came from, like, really picky on somethings, like, I don't want to eat somebody else's food, I don't want to use the same fork, or same plate with different fork, you know, it's just gross for me.
Me: When we talk about more rural areas, do they usually eat a table like that?
Amina: No.
Me: What do they do then?
Amina: They will have a kitchen, and they will have a floor mat type of thing, and they sit on the floor mat, and they eat on the floor. That is in the rural areas.
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